For Women Who Have lost Their Minds When Their World Was Just Too Much

Everything is wrong...more wrong than it should be. I just can't take all of it...not anymore. Its like being in a room and the walls are slowly closing in on you. Try as you may and push as you might, escape ain't coming. And as bad as all of that seems, your child is right there in the thick of it. And so...do you cry out for help? Yes, but no one comes. They see you and hear you, but NO one comes. And they are supposed to be Christians!

So, then? Do you bang on the walls, try unsuccessfully to climb them, scratch at them with your nails until your hands are bruised and bloody? Yes, lets say you do. What good does it do? It is to no avail.

Okay, now what? You aren't going to give up are you? Not now after all of this effort, that would be rude to "the cause" and estrange you from your own mind, which (by the way) has been splitting at the seams for quite some time now and is about ready to come undone.

No, delusional one...you pray. You pray hard and long and tearfully and earnestly. You get on your knees and cry out to be saved, rescued from your unjust plight. Are you able to get out then? Does your child stop crying and do you take him in your arms and leave straightaway through the miraculous door that appears out of nowhere???

No. No one comes. Nothing happens. Your child is still sad and you watch as the room gets smaller and claustrophobia sets in. You think again of those people, those supposed believers like yourself, who are just beyond the room and who have the power to at least ATTEMPT a rescue...and you cry even more because you realize that their selfishness and unconcern is too insurmountable a wall to climb. So you crunch down in the tiny space and pray once more for relief...escape...victory or even triumph...

Does it come???

I'll

Let

You

K n o w ....

~ Empress of Felines 

Life's Got Me Paranoid or Wondergirl in Aliceland

I've been totally feeling like the Jonas Brother's song "Paranoid" lately & I'm trying to make my peace with that fact. Texas has changed me. I've evolved into a great woman of God but I've also lost my moxy, my appeal, my crazy persona. Here in Reserved TX, individuality seems to be frowned upon. Everyone is a carbon copy of everyone else. Even their homes look the same! i just don't seem to mesh well or fit in AT ALL. Its become a travesty as of late. Its all I can focus on. I even dream about it!

My BFF Rhonda always says: "Lord, is it me??" I'm starting to ask the same question. Am I the nut? I feel like Alice in Wonderland, only instead of everyone being abnormal, I'M the Mad Hatter, and everyone else is...well...Alice. I dislike this phrase the most: "Oh my gosh, that is SO funny!" The people saying it and their counterparts all agree but no one actually laughs! Really?? If its that funny then give me belly laugh. Prove your statement! Agh!


I'm sorry, I digress. As I was saying, I seem to be the only one with MY head on straight and most Texans seem to have a commercial one-size-fits-all head, complete with thoughts, and sayings and judgments...all running on the same batteries & in sync with one another. Its preposterous & down right sickening. What is this, Children of the Corn? Or worse, Village of the Damned??? I sometimes say something that I assume most people are thinking and the people around me all stare in unison at me as if I have two heads. My next thought is, Please do not let their hair turn ash blonde & their eyes glow & I shoot myself. No exaggeration. Only I think that I'M the alien here. Kanye, you have a friend in me, dude.


So where do I go from here? I can't go back to who I was. I'm too proud of the young woman of Christ that I'm evolving into. But for real, a sista' can't go out like this, man! 


My hubby told me years ago that it would take time. Time to meet people that I feel comfortable being myself around & time to make solid-hard-core-friends4life gal pals. But really, I've been here 7 years. Shouldn't I have already adjusted to this planet...er...state? I'm not so sure that I will ever fit in to being a Stepford Wife or saying something is hilarious, instead of just plain old laughing. After all, I never really 'FIT IN' in Maryland. I've always been an oddity & a weirdo. the difference is that I was accepted in my own social sets AND I could be as crazy as a loon and everyone would shake their heads & smile saying "That's Michelle." If that was me, then who is this watered down, hermit-like, speak-when-spoken-to chick I see in the mirror? She certainly isn't the girl who stood on the street corners yelling "Vote for me!" & "Make 7...Up Yours!" She can't be the woman who'd stand on a bench at the Inner Harbor & start singing with my friends or pretending to trip or talking in British accents to random stranger or even (this used to ROCK), taking a wad of hair from my comb, placing it on my empty plate in a restaurant and say "Waiter, there is a hair on my plate!" <<>> That chick was AWESOME! 


But ya know, that chick had issues, deep-rooted ones. That chick was in pain & down a lot of the times. That chick never felt like she fit in either. She was just better adjusted to her madness and so were those around her, so she felt safe. Well, I don't feel that safety here in Texas. If everything is bigger in TX, that includes the depression & the pangs for social acceptance & family ties. If I have to change myself & who I am to fit in, heck with it. I'm not going to become a zombie & I certainly am not about to bleach my skin white for the obviously prejudice folks here. Oh yes, thats a part of my issue here too. I've noticed that others have been readily accepted & in too many situations with several groups of people (mostly Caucasian) I have not been embraced. I know it is easier for other minorities to assimilate, but goodness, I carry myself very well, I speak proper English, I'm educated & an intellectual to boot. So what else is there? 


I guess I will have to go on with my caramel self & ponder over all of this. We'll see how God handles the situation and how I feel. Perhaps there is nothing to fret about. Maybe, just like the Jonas Bros in the song, I'm just PARANOID.

Etsy E-boutique Sneak Peak: "Ruffles, Ribbons & Bows"

Owner: Michelle Dowell

'Ruffles, Ribbons & Bows' is a new business I've started & I LOVE it! I make hand-crafted accessories for babies, kids, and even adults! Headbands or hair clips with mutli-layered specialty bows, embellished flowers, or my one-of-a-kind flower bows: flowers w/decorative bows in them!I hand-create everything from baby hats & headbands to hair-clips & headbands for kids or adults. Have a special dress or outfit that you want me to match for you or your little one? Send me a pic & I'll create a coordinating bow or flower, just for you! Check out the pics below. My Etsy boutique will be open soon! 

Thanks for looking & God Bless!

 

Every flower is hand-crafted. I DO NOT buy flowers or bows already put together and embellish them. Each of my flowers or bows is, literally, hand-created & hand-crafted. I love my creations & take pain-staking efforts to make them special. ;-)

One of my Flower/Bow combinations. So pretty!

Another Flower Bow/ Butterfly Embellishment

Notice the butterfly embellishment? Sweet!

 I even cover the alligator clips sometimes, for an even cuter look!

Beautiful flower embellished with rhinestone.

Two mini bow clips...

A multi-layered bow. I love making these. Notice the ice-cream cones on the purple ribbon. Yummy!

Baby headband w/a specialty multi-layered bow. Super Adorable!

A more detailed view...

Me sporting the multi-layered loop bow.

These bows are awesome because they are super adorable on your baby, toddler, kids, or on you! 

TLC What About Your Friends ~ Official Video

Who is real and who is faux? Only God knows...

They 'LIKE BUTTON' Me, they "LIKE BUTTON' me not...

So today is a better day than yesterday. My insensitive husband was driving me insane (men are idiots) & Arden was extra hyper & tore through the house like the Tazmanian devil. That added to the fact that my monthly gift had come early, bringing along with it abdomen cramps, back-pain, headaches, nausea, and a sour disposition...well...I was just plain down & out yesterday. 


Today is a new day and it is already looking up. I've decided to stay away from FB for a bit. That, in the past, has seemed a difficult feat to accomplish. i'm a bit addicted to FB. But I can see where the site has a negative affect on me. For instance, if I post something about my new business venture and barely anyone says anything about it, especially people I see all the time, I get angry. Especially when those same people support others who have a business and always compliments their work. Or, say I mention a cute thing Arden has done or said to me that day and the comments are null and void. Then I see another person in my set has posted that their child is soooooo cute because they breathed or something, and all of the same friends that said nothing to my post click the 'Like' button a million times and gush over 'how sweet!' it is. Seriously??? Am I back in High School, where only the popular people got any attention and the poor non-entities who failed to pass the popularity test are ostracized & ignored??? I sincerely hope not since most of the people I engage myself with are supposed to be Christians and therefore, should walk in love towards ALL men, not just the ones they deem fit.


In lieu of my strong feelings (which may be attributed to my lovely cramps & nausea), I've decided to walk away for a couple of days from FB. Maybe I'll take an extended hiatus. To me, its just not worth it feeling angry at people because they aren't e-cordial. I also tend to reveal too much of my inner feelings via my Notes section or my post updates. If I'm depressed, I write that I'm depressed. If I'm angry or upset, I post songs from youtube that reflect my mood. But do I really ( I mean, REALLY) want these people who don't even care if I live or die, go to Heaven or Hell...do I really want them knowing my personal business? Because whether I explain WHY I feel the way I do, I'm still telling them that I'm not happy with my life. That is none of their business. Negative or melancholy posts only alert them to start gossiping about what your issues may be. I have learned that people would much rather see you sad than happy. When I write about a new article I've written on ezinearticles.com or that we're fixing up the house or how God has Blessed me in some way, do you know how many 'LIKE"s I get on my page? Let me put it to ya this way...you can hear the crickets chirping...loudly.


In the end (and the beginning), the only one who can save us is Christ. Being a Christian isn't easy in this life, but I couldn't be anything else. I love The Lord and I know, even in those sad depressing times, that He will deliver me from my troubles. It may not happen when I want it to (it rarely does), but it Will happen when its time. Thats how God operates. In the meantime, I think I'll leave the phony e-friends alone for a spell. I'll probably even step back from the phony 'real' friends, as well. I just don't see the point in trying to cultivate relationships with those who can't even be bothered to click "LIKE" on my FB page. Apparently, they wouldn't click "LIKE" on me, if I had a button. Who knows & who cares? All I care about is that God pushed my "LOVE" button a long time ago when I made Him Lord & Savior of my life...and thats all that really matters. ;-)


~Empressya

The Human Condition: Help, I'm Alive!

It seems that I am being eaten alive by the mega-maggot called LIFE. Its not cause for alarm

or an invitation for unsolicited faith-based rebuttals of solitude. Its just where I am in my head.

I never said that being me was easy, only that it was easy to ignore when I'm on autopilot. My

NORMAL sign is flashing and apparently the captain has not turned it off yet. I can turn off the sides of me that are unfavorable to most...but do I really want to?

Social network sites rock as they allow people from all walks of life to ...in essence...socialize. E-friendships (I used to believe) have merit, do they not? Aren't these non-entities that I have never met in person my friends? Do they not have my best interest at heart? and for that matter, the 50 or so people that rest sweetly on my amigos page, do they really care whats been going on with me since 1991? I think not.

We've fooled ourselves into believing that humans are fallible but still very lovable and caring. The joke is on you, comrade. People (eventually) suck. sorry chums, but there is no easier (or more PC) way to phrase it. The ins and outs of life have made our skins tough and our hearts cold...but still beating like a hammer. We ARE the "cold ones". You don't have to be undead or a blood sucker to be frozen...you just have to be alive. In living, you undoubtedly have encountered situations and people and places that are messy & untame. We've all sinned and fallen short and we have all learned some very hard lessons.

Life sucks...and yet...our hearts keep beating like hammers. Hoping and praying for things to solidify and become...REAL.

~ Chelsie

Made For Each Other

Oh what a film! Boy do I wish for this time period again. Well, maybe I'd have to be white in order to avoid the subservient lifestyle that African Americans were forced to lead back then, but I'd have LOVED to visit...even if I really wouldn't want to live there! ;-)

"Happy bridegroom, you-hoo!"

Sadly enough, people no longer speak in that manner to one another. I'm a cinch, but most 31-year-old women wouldn't even recognize that previous phrase as one of yesteryears long gone. And gee golly day, do I love vintage slang!

Well, I'd better be off. I'm due in the kitchen for a rendevous with some pots and pans. We're pretty chummy, that way.

Tata, Darrrrlllings!

~Chelsie, Dear